The Muggle
by AshNox
Summary: The day Sirius decided it would be a good idea to bring a Muggle to Hogwarts.
1. Bigger than a dog

"So, what are you hiding, Sirius?" Remus asked, watching his friend jump.

"Nothing." Sirius lied. It was blatantly a lie. He was holding the door of an empty classroom closed, his free hand hiding a napkin of food behind his back. He looked guilty as hell, trying to keep a nervous smile from creeping onto his lips. "Why do you ask?"

"Is it a dog?" Remus asked. It wouldn't be the first time Sirius had tried to smuggle a puppy into the castle, although it would be the first time he'd have succeeded. Sirius tried hard to repress a smile.

"It might be." He said, making Remus more suspicious.

"If it's a Thestral or something stupid all hell is going to break loose." He pointed out.

"Yes. I know that." Sirius agreed, vaguely. "Don't say anything, Moony. We keep each others' secrets, don't we?"

.

"Does James know?" Remus narrowed his eyes, trying to see past Sirius's back. The door was ajar where his fingers were holding it. The room looked dark and cold.

"Nope. Just you. We can keep it like that, can't we?"

"As long as it's nothing bigger than a dog." Remus agreed. "...Or venomous... Or a baby dragon."

"It's a deal." Sirius adjusted his grip on the door and food to shake Remus's hand. "...Go on then." He added, urging his friend away. "I won't be long."

.

Remus watched Sirius slip back into the room, the irrepressible smile creeping back onto his face, then snatched the door and followed his straight into the room

"Oh, Shit. Sorry." Remus said, seeing Sirius was not messing around with any dubious creatures but with a pretty brown haired witch, who'd been waiting for him in the room. "Sorry... _A dog!_" He hissed, disgustedly at Sirius, as he went back to the door.

.

"Hey, _Moony_." Sirius suddenly caught his arm. "Wait." His eyes glittered. "_Can_ you keep a secret?"

"Tell me later." Remus suggested. "You are clearly busy. You made out like you were hiding an Arachnia or something in here."

"I am." Sirius admitted. "Something better."

Remus paused, taking in Sirius's expression, the empty room, and then the Witch. She did _not_ look party to hiding giant spiders, baby dragons or a Thestral. She looked like she would definitely appriciate some more alone time with Sirius Black, in an empty classroom.

.

"Yeah, tell me later." Remus said. Sirius stiffled a laugh.

"No, _now_, Moony." He said. "Alice." He added, to the witch. "This is my friend, Remus Lupin."

"Hi." Remus said, before turning back to Sirius. He glanced at the Witch again, who was not in uniform. It was lunch time on a Tuesday. Sirius's grin was broadening. The Witch smiled at Sirius, slightly adoringly and slightly uncomprehending. Remus didn't know why Sirius was grinning either.

.

"Are you familiar with the Muggle expression 'three's a crowd'?" Remus asked him.

"Nope." Sirius said, still failing miserably to hide his grin.

"Well, I bet your girlfriend is." Remus muttered.

"I am." Alice stammered. "But I don't think that. It's nice to meet you, Remus." Her eyes moved off his face and slowly down over his school robes. _Very slowly_. Finally her eyes returned to his face, pausing to flick about on his sandy hair for a moment.

Remus glanced at Sirius, confused, but Sirius's grin was as broad as ever.

.

"…Well, this was fun." Remus concluded for him. "I'm off."

"Moony." Sirius caught him at once. "Don't go, this is _brilliant_."

"What is?" Remus asked, exasperated. He glanced back at the Witch and sighed at Sirius. "You're mental." He said. "And I can't afford to be late for Potions. Do you want me to get your books or are you skiving?"

"_We_ are both skiving Potions." Sirius grinned. "You know you're missing _something_, don't you? And you don't know what. I bet you hate it!"

.

"Are you... _Are you a Werewolf_?" Alice asked. Remus blanched, the colour literally dropping out of his scarred face. He didn't even look at Sirius before throwing himself at the door.

.

"_Colloportus_!" Sirius yelled, aiming his wand over Remus's head and slamming the door. Alice shrieked. Remus stood facing the sealed door. Silent.

.

"…I'm really sorry." Sirius told him, his voice trembling. "Moony. Remus. I'd forgotten I said that... Remus?"

"_You forgot that you told your girlfriend I was a Werewolf_?" Remus hissed.


	2. Because of your name

"_You forgot that you told your girlfriend I was a werewolf_?" Remus hissed

"I know. But no. Remus..." He put a hand on Remus's arm and was shoved angrily away. "Remus, it's okay, because she's a Muggle. Remus... I shouldn't have said, of course, but it's not like she's going to tell anyone. She's a... She's a Muggle. Remus... _I'm sorry_."

"…He didn't tell me you were a werewolf." Alice said, somewhere behind Remus's back. "He said he had a friend who was a werewolf. I just thought... because of your name."

"I'm sorry." Sirius said, really appalled. "I... I didn't think... I was just, it was like talking to myself... because... she isn't going to tell anyone... So it was okay… _I know it's not okay_."

There was a tap on the door's far side. A moment later someone tried the handle.

"…It's locked." James's voice. Sirius looked at Remus's turned back, his hunched shoulders. Sighing, he put a finger to his lips, gesturing for Alice to stay quiet.

"…Locked from the inside or the outside?" That was Peter.

"I don't know. There isn't a key either side... _Pads! Moony! Are you okay_?"

"...What do you think they're doing, Prongs?"

"Maybe someone locked them in."

"Maybe they locked themselves in... Not that I can think why they might want to."

"…_Pads_?" A stiffled laugh, from James. "_Pads! Moony! Stop snogging_!"

"…Maybe someone stunned them unconcious, then locked them in, James?" Peter, sounding increasingly worried.

"…_If I break the door down and you're snogging each other, Sirius, you only have yourself to blame!_" James said, before listening to the silence. "Okay, stand back, Worms."

…

"_Alohomora_!" Sirius sprung the door open. Remus flung himself away from all of them, sinking into the corner.

"What do you want?" Sirius snapped. "The bell hasn't even gone yet. We're talking."

"We knocked and called through the door. Thought you might be... _Oh sweet mother of Modron! What the hell have you done to Moony_!?

Peter followed James's line of vision, his mouth falling open as he saw the pretty brown haired girl. "...Nothing." Sirius stammered. The actual Moony had sunk down against the wall, his face buried in the sleeves of his robes. "Can you bugger off." Sirius added. "This isn't a good time."

"Not a good time?!" James demanded. "You've turned Moony into a girl!... What are you _doing _locked in an empty classroom?!"

"Are you trying to change him back?" Peter suggested, sensibly.

"Yes." Sirius jumped on it. "Exactly. Please go away "

"...But." James said, uncertainly. "...Moony?" He looked uneasily at the Girl-Moony, who looked worried. And _pretty_. It was way too freaky. James stopped looking at her, at once. "What do you think, Moony?" He asked the floor.

"Whatever Sirius thinks." Girl-Moony said in a very girly, very worried, voice.

"Come on, James." Peter caught his arm. "We can make excuses for Sirius and Remus not being in Potions."

"Err... _No_." James stopped him. "No. Hang on. We should help. How are you trying to fix this? You _are _trying to fix it, aren't you?"

"Go away." Sirius said, less calmly. "Please. We're in the middle of talking about something and Moony doesn't want to miss Potions."

"I think _she's _going to have to." Peter sniggered.

"Stop laughing. This is serious." James said. "How... How did you do this? I mean... Moony?" James said, dumbfounded. "Was it a potion or a spell?"

"That is a spell." Peter said, at once. "That's not Polyjuice. Your voice doesn't change with Polyjuice, and she still looks like Moony, just a girlie-shaped Moony... In a poke-my-eyes-out sort of way."

"You haven't got that scar, on your cheek." James said, to girl-Moony. "But it is obviously you."

"But..." Sirius stuttered. "No. Thats not... right. Will you just g_o away_!" Peter stepped back, bumping into James's chest in surprise.

"No. I'm going away!" Remus snapped, wiping his face on his sleeve and stalking to the door, while Peter and James stared at him, baffled. "And don't come and find me, Sirius! I don't want your apologys! Don't speak to me!" He ordered angrily. "And that!" He added, jabbing at Alice. "Is _not_ me! That is Sirius's girlfriend, you idiots! And Sirius," He added, to Alice. "is an Animangi! Illegally! Go and look that up in a book, if you don't know what it is!" And he slammed out of the room.

"Oh my God! What the hippogriff?!" James exclaimed. "You... not Remus... what?"

"Who does he think he is, telling her that?" Peter squeaked, quite frightened that Remus might come back and mention that he and James were also illegal Animangi.

"I don't know what that is." Alice assured them, fearfully.

"Keep her here! Don't talk to her!" Sirius ordered them. "I've got to speak to Moony. I've done something really stupid."

"You don't say." James said, but Sirius ignored him, dashing out of the room.


	3. Well this is embarrassing

"Well, this is embarrassing." James chuckled. "You're not a Gryffindor, are you?"

"...No?" Alice asked, uneasily. "Is it alright to talk?" She added; glancing at the door Sirius had just vanished through.

"We can talk." James assured her. "He'll come back in a minute."

"Hopefully." Peter said.

"Ravenclaw?" James suggested. Alice looked at him, as if she didn't know what he was talking about.

"Hufflepuff?" Peter offered helpfully. "Yes?" She copied his nod.

"What's your name? Sorry about thinking you were Remus before as well. We did have our reasons."

Not least that the map had shown Sirius and _Moony _in the room. With Moony hiding in the corner the mix-up was really not James's fault, surely.

"My name is Alice." Alice said. "Are you James?"

"Sirius talks about me! That's reassuring. We thought he only talked about himself."

"_We had our reasons_." Peter muttered, rooting about in his robes.

"So... Sorry about interrupting your private time." James said. "Although Remus already had, by the look of it."

"He was really upset." Alice stammered. "It was my fault. Sirius told me he was a Werewolf and..." She paused, seeing the horror on both their faces. "_Don't talk_." She added, recalling Sirius's order, in alarm.

"Sirius told you... _that_?" James said, shocked to his core.

"James." Peter tapped him on the shoulder.

"_Why_... why _would he!_?"

"He was... It was when we were in London. I don't think he meant to say. Now, I've got his Best Friend hating him."

"I'm his Best Friend." James corrected, absently.

"_James_." Peter nagged again.

"…And then you two came in, saying I was Remus."

"I can't believe Sirius told you Remus was a... was a...?" James whispered, trying to make himself believe it.

"_James_." Peter said again.

"Sorry about thinking you were a girl-Remus." James managed to say again. "But... _That wasn't Sirius's secret to tell!_"

"_James!_" Peter grabbed his arm, finally. "_You really need to look at this_!" And he thrust the Marauders Map in front of James's face.

On the map James could see Remus and Sirius in the dormitory. He couldn't imagine how Sirius might be explaining himself. He couldn't imagine why Sirius _would_ have betrayed Remus's secret, again. With a sharp prickly feeling that rose from the base of his spine and spread over his back, James realized what he was looking at.

Just as when he and Peter had found this room locked, The Marauders Map clearly showed only two people standing in the classroom. Before, it had been Sirius and Remus. Now it was James and Peter. The anxious girl, hovering in front of him, did not appear to exist at all.

"Oh shit!" James exclaimed, dropping the map in favor of his wand, which he leveled on her frightened face. Peter copied him at once and the girl made a strangled noise and stumbled a step away from them.

"Who are you?" James demanded. "And why do you look so like Remus?!"

"_What _is she?" Peter added, fearfully. "Why isn't she on the map, James?"

"What house are you in?" James asked. Alice stared at the wands pointed at her, her hands clenched into white fists.

"...School?" She stuttered.

"Do you even know what I'm asking you?" James added. He stepped closer and poked her with the tip of his wand, just to be sure she was solid and really there. They had bewitched the map to show the school ghosts as well as the students and teachers. Alice flinched away from the jab in terror. She looked back at the doorway, frantically. Peter glanced at the floor as well, but the map still showed Sirius and Remus talking in their dormitory. "...Right." James decided. "You're coming with us." And he marched her off to find Sirius.

Remus and Sirius were standing by the window. Sirius was talking in a hushed earnest voice, and Remus's cheeks were blotchy, as if he'd been crying. Remus never cried. Sirius, frowning at being disturbed, cursed as he saw they were marching Alice at wand point into the room.


	4. I'll Obliviate Her

"Why have you brought her here!" He said. "Did anyone see?"

"What the hell is going on?" James demanded. "Why can't the Map see her?"

"Because she's a Muggle." Remus said, treacherously. "Sirius has stolen her from somewhere, for a laugh."

"It wasn't quite like that." Sirius said. But he didn't dare complain.

"But pretty much like that." Remus snapped.

"He saved my life." Alice said, looking at Sirius rather tearfully.

"Bravo!" Remus said.

"What happened?" James asked, trying to be calm and sensible. "You're a Muggle?"

"I don't know what that is." Alice admitted. "I was... I was attacked." She said, eyes welling with tears. "By real wizards. With wands like yours." She glanced fearfully at James's. "Sirius saved me. He fought the other wizards and teleported me into a forest. Then we came here. He put a spell on me."

"Because?" James prompted, looking to Sirius when Alice didn't seem to know.

"There's Muggle-repelling spells on the castle. I had to drag her inside kicking and screaming." Sirius shrugged.

"And she'd been attacked by wizards?" Peter asked. Sirius glanced at him with an uneasy smile.

"Yup."

"_Because_?" Remus asked, sharply.

"Well, I suppose, because we were together." Sirius admitted, glancing at the girls face, although she just seemed glad he was back in the same room as her. "I'll _obliviate _her." He added, apologetically. Remus didn't say anything, his glare hardening.

"_You'll what me_?" Alice whimpered.

"It's wizard talk." Remus said, looking at her with sharp hazel eyes. "It means _protect _you."

"Yep." Sirius nodded. "That's it."

"Right, I'm off to report you to Dumbledore." Remus added, shoving some bits into his bag.

"I'll come with you." Sirius said, meekly.

"Couldn't we just apparate her back to London?" Peter suggested. "I know you're angry, Remus. I'd be. But getting Sirius expelled? Forever? Are you sure you're _that_ angry?"

"At the moment I am." Remus said. "…I'm going to Dark Arts." Which he did, striding angrily past them.

"What about the rest of us?" Peter asked, finally. "We have to go to lessons to."

"Don't let me stop you." Sirius said, chucking his school robes onto the bed.

"But what are you going to do?" James asked him, watching Peter shoving Dark Arts books into his bag. "You really do some mad things, Pads."

"I had to." Sirius said. He looked over at the Muggle girl who really did look just like a witch, as far as James could see. "It was complicated."

"He saved my life." Alice said again. "He really did." James pushed his glasses up his nose and gave Sirius a look.

"How about we skip Dark Arts and you explain that to me." He suggested.


	5. And leave her in a foreign country

"It was really just a complete accident." Sirius explained, wearily. "I went into Muggle London because I didn't think I'd run into any wizards there."

"Which sounds vaguely sensible." James agreed, as they both paced briskly around the side of the lake.

"And then I saw this girl, that girl, doing the weirdest thing ever in the history of weirdness."

"Which was?"

"She was taking photos of her feet with a phone."

"Why?"

"It's a Muggle thing."

"It doesn't make any sense." James pointed out. Sirius sighed, stopping at the waters edge and sighing at the distant shore.

"It doesn't matter." He pointed out. "He hates me. I hate me."

"What? Who?" James stopped beside him, squinting at the far bank. "Oh... Remus. That was a pretty dumb thing to do, Pads."

"_Pretty dumb_." Sirius repeated, bitterly. "How could I be so stupid?"

"You just are. Upsetting Remus is the least of your problems. You've brought a Muggle to Hogwarts. We have to get her back to her world as quickly as possible."

"I'll _obliviate_ her." Sirius said, firmly.

"Or just take her back to her world as quickly as possible." James suggested. "And never mention this again."

"It's not that simple." Sirius said. "She was telling the truth, about the wand fight."

"You had a 'wand fight'?" James asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"The girl, that girl, asked me why I was wearing robes."

"Why were you wearing robes in London? Sirius, what were you playing at? Can't you be a normal wizard and get yourself a normal girlfriend?"

"I don't want a girlfriend." Sirius said. "You're not listening. I had a big row at home. I walked out. So I didn't have time to change out of my robes into Muggle clothes. I didn't even take my wand. So I couldn't transfigure what I had on."

"You really are a moron sometimes." James laughed.

"It's not funny." Sirius snapped. "Remus is never going to forgive me."  
"You don't deserve forgiving." James told him, still laughing. "So you were stropping down the street, in your robes, no wand."

"I was sitting on a bench looking at these pigeons. Then that girl started taking photos of her feet. She asks why I'm wearing robes. I ask why she's photographing her feet with a phone. Then I was just watching the pigeons again, thinking I'd like to change into Padfoot, actually. That girl comes back with a paper bag full of Muggle food. It's all wrapped up in little bits of paper. She's all friendly and wanting to talk to me. So, I was just asking her about the shoe pictures and she was showing me her phone, which I have to say is amazing James. It's not just a phone, at all. It has music and it takes wizard photos and Muggle photos and you can talk to people like in the Two-way Mirrors but _any_ Muggle you want to."

"Fascinating though that is, why don't you cut to the dirty bits of the encounter."

"We just talked about the phone. She tried to make me eat that strange food. James, do you know what 'chicken nuggets' are?"

"You are _so_ boring, Pads." James assured him. "You talked about shoes and phones?"

"Muggle phones."

"So, how did you drop Moonys' Lycanthrope into that conversation?"

"I was just thinking about him. Because of the pigeons, you see. She didn't even know Wizards existed."

"You don't say."

"I was thinking how mad a full moon in the city would be. So I did say that I knew _a_ werewolf. I didn't say anything else. She guessed because of his stupid name. This is such a mess, Prongs."

"Indeed." James agred. "And the wand fight?"  
"I was sitting with that girl. The Lestranges show up. I think my mother must have told Bella where I'd gone. They went for that girl because we were sitting together. I didn't have my wand. We ran to her home. Rodolphus blew the place up. It was really bad. I didn't know what to do so I apparated back here, into the Forbidden Forest, got a wand from the castle, then hid her that classroom and apparated back to London. There was only a couple of days left of the holidays and the House Elves fed her."

James sighed. "And your plan was?" He asked. Sirius shrugged. They'd gone full circle and were back at the castle.

"No plan. She's very interesting. Better than a Muggle Studies class."

"I would like to talk to her." James admitted. "She could tell me about Muggle things I could talk to Lily about."

"No. I have to obliviate her and maybe apparate her to some other country."

"What do girls ever _see_ in you, Sirius?!" James said. "Apparate her and leave her in 'some other country'?"

"Keep her safe from the Lestranges and my lot. Anyway, I don't think the Lestrange boys left her anything to go back to. And _Moony_, James. He's really upset."

"I don't think he's going to be impressed by you obliviating some poor girl and dumping her in a foreign country."

"If you've got a better idea, I would love to hear it." Sirius assured him.

"I'm thinking." James said. "Let's just check she's okay for…" He paused, eyes widening as he pushed through their dormitory door. "…Or not!" He said, yanking it closed and pressing himself across it.

"Because?" Sirius asked.

"Because." James said. "Yes. Because. Because… We should go to lunch fir… Sirius don't!" He exclaimed sharply, as Sirius ignored him and shoved open the door.


	6. Did you live alone

Peter watched James escort Sirius through the door through which Remus had just stormed and turned back to the Muggle girl, uncertainly. Peter wasn't sure he'd ever spoken to a Muggle girl before. He hadn't really spoken to any Muggles at all, and because of the war everyone was a bit weird about Muggles. Dumbledore thought they were great and everyone should want to be like them. Peters Grandfather would probably have him branded with the Dark Mark and sent off to help Voldemort enslave all of them, given the chance. Peter mostly followed his parents example of keeping his head down and not expressing an opinion. There was more sense in that than most people realized.

Since James had become obsessed with Lily Evans, everything Muggle had become super cool. Remus read Muggle books. James used Muggle hair products and Sirius wore his Muggle motorbike jacket whenever they were let loose on Hogsmeade. Peter tried Muggle food. But he had never expected any of them to actually steal a Muggle to smuggle into Hogwarts. That was mad even for Sirius, who never shied away from stupid decisions.

"You don't need to be scared." Peter said. She looked utterly terrified. He checked the door again but Sirius had not looked like he was coming back any time soon. Peter was already in trouble for missing Potions last week, and he would have liked to storm off in a huff like Remus. Not that he blamed Remus in the slightest. This was clearly Sirius's fault. And where was he? Buggered off.

"Right." Peter said. "Do you need anything? Food, or the bathroom or something to drink?" The Muggle girl stared right back at him with very wide eyes. Blue eyes. Remus didn't have blue eyes, but Peter smiled faintly, remembering that half an hour ago they'd thought she was Remus under some weird spell. She didn't look like Remus. It had been because the map had said Remus was with Sirius in the room.

"…The bathroom." She whispered. "I could really… That would be great… Thank you."

"Through there, first on your left." He pointed. The girl stared for a little while longer then scurried out of the room.

Peter sat on his bed and sighed. Why did Sirius do such dumb things. They were all bound to get in trouble for this. He wondered if he should have gone with her to the bathroom. Waiting outside the door obviously, but it would be a right bugger if she ran off into the castle, and Sirius would probably have a fit if Peter lost her.

He was glad when the door swung open again, but it wasn't the Muggle. It was James's Lily. "Where's James?" Lily asked. "He's not in potions."

"He's with Sirius." Peter explained, jumping up. "Can you do me the biggest favour and go to the bathroom, please." Lily gave him a hard look. "There's a girl in there." Peter explained. "At least I hope there is. I don't want her to get away and I can't really check she's still there myself."  
"No, I won't. Lily assured him. "You're more of a stalker than James."

"It's for Sirius." Peter said. "She's his girlfriend but she's…" He groped for a suitable word. "…Shy?"

"There are so many things wrong with that sentence." Lily assured him, leaning out the door to check no one was coming from the bathroom. "A hundred girls' hearts are going to break the day Sirius gets a girlfriend. Why does he want you stalking her? And she's 'shy'? Is 'shy' really Sirius Black's type?"

Peter sighed. He looked over Lily uncertainly. "Sirius Black's type…" He lowered his voice. "Is _Muggle_." Lily forced a dark smile.

"I didn't have you down as the 'Death Eater' type, Peter." She said.

"Not Muggle-born witches." Peter assured her. "Actually Muggle. A Muggle. A non-magic being. You know. Like a… Like a…"

"An animal?" Lily suggested.

"Yes. _No_!" Peter said, shocked. "No! But Lily, that's _weird_."

"You're weird." Lily assured him. "My whole family are Muggles. I have best friends who are Muggles. If Sirius Black wanted a Muggle girlfriend I could line up about a hundred for him ro pick and choose from."

"He's got one!" Peter assured her. "And she's hiding in that bathroom. Please make sure she hasn't climbed out of a window or something. Please."

"How would a Muggle even get into Hogwarts?" Lily said, but she went back out the door and Peter watched her vanish into the bathroom.

. *

"And this is Peter!" Lily returned, chatting animatedly. "He's lovely. Much nicer than Sirius and James, aren't you Peter?"

"_What_?" Peter asked, resisting the urge to reach for his wand. Lily had her arm around the Muggle girl and they were both smiling.

"You're lovely." Lily said again. "When James and Sirius aren't getting you to do stupid pranks with them."

"I thought you might attack me with your wand." The Muggle girl told him, sitting next to Lily on James's bed.

"This is Alice, Peter." Lily told him. "She's from London."

"I know." Peter said, uncertainly. "I've never met a Muggle before." He admitted. "I'm really sorry we frightened you."

"I've never met a Wizard before." Alice told him. "I thought you were just in kids stories. I like your robes. You look normal." Peter considered this before he grinned.

"Thanks a bunch." He said. "I look like a Muggle?"

"Shut up, Peter!" Lily said, seeing the look of fright that jumped back onto Alice's face. "That's a complement."

"It was. I don't know what's offensive to Wizards." Alice explained. "Sirius _does_ look very Wizardy. He's got weird eyes and all that hair. You look nice and normal. That's a blessed relief. I'm not trying to be rude. I had no idea I wasn't meant to say Remus was a Werewolf."

"Sirius told you _that_?" Lily asked, as appalled as the others had been.

"Yes. He did." Peter said. "He's really upset, and Sirius has gone off somewhere with James."

"And Sirius just left you here?" Lily asked Alice.

"He's left me here for ten days, I think." Alice admitted. "It's been terrible."

"Ten days?" Lily asked, calmly. "Since before term started?"

"I'm sure he's trying to help." Alice told her. "He saved my life."

"_Ish_." Peter said.

"Go on." Lily suggested. Alice glanced at Peter, wondering what he meant by 'ish'.

.

"I was going round the shops with my mates." Alice said. "Sirius was sitting on a bench, all dressed up in his robes, watching the pigeons. He'd been sitting there for ages. We were daring each other to go and talk to him."

"Did you win or lose?" Lily asked, with a grin.

"He asked if he could see my phone." Alice said, tucking her straight brown hair neatly behind her ears. "He was really interested in it. Then more Wizards came. They made things explode with their wands. We ran away, and they chased us all the way back to my flat. There was a Witch with black hair. She sent a stream of fire after us. It looked like a serpent. Like it was alive and coming to kill us. The whole building was on fire. Then Sirius said these magic words and held me tight against him. We spun round and round and landed in the wood that you can see for the window."

"Wow." Lily said. "That sounds bad. There are lots of problems in the Wizarding world at the moment; a War, to be honest. "

"The whole building was on fire." Alice said, trying to be calm about it.

"You must have been really frightened." Peter said, gently. "Did you live on your own?" Alice looked round at him until she was looking straight into his eyes. "No." She whispered. "I lived with my family."


	7. The only person Sirius listens to

Remus reached the door of the Potions classroom. Slughorn was already rattling away about crushing frogs eyeballs. None of his friends were there, Slughorn was going to have to make him crush eyeballs, and Sirius had told some random girl that he was a Werewolf. His hand stayed on the door as the seconds ticked by but then, cursing himself, he stalked back to the dormitory.

.

"Remus!" Lily leaped off the bed as he stepped into the room, stopping him backing out again. "Remus, are you alright?" Sirius and James weren't there but Peter was and 'Alice'.

"I'm really sorry." She said. "Sirius didn't say anything specifically about you, honestly…" She looked over his scared face again, over all of him, for anything that suggested he might be a Dark Creature. Remus folded his hands across his chest, eyes narrowing as he studied the girl back.

"…Where is he?" He asked, finally.

"Not sure. With James." Peter said. "Find him." He groped through his things for the Map and thrust it at Remus's chest. Remus ignored it, going over to his own bed and picking up his book.

A tense silence pervaded the room. Remus skimming through pages he'd already read.

.

"…Where have you been sleeping, Alice?" Lily asked, quietly.

"Just in that classroom." Alice said. Lily cursed in quiet outrage. Over the book Remus saw her exchange a 'look' with Peter before putting her arm around Alice's shoulders. Remus turned another page.

Peter got up and used his wand to fill a tumbler with water, which was strange considering he had spent the last five years using a jug and the water tap, just like everyone else.

Alice stared in astonishment, accepting the cup reverently. Peter also produced a clean hankie for her to blow her nose on, making Remus lifted his eyes again to decide if she'd been crying. Her face was rather blotchy. He sighed, silently cursing Sirius again. He nearly put the book down, but Lily had readjusted her hand to rub Alice's back and Peter had produced the tin of biscuits he kept under his bed.

"…I'm sure it's not Sirius's fault." Alice said, with another sniff. Peter and Lily exchanged another look. "He said he'd '_obliviate'_ me." Alice added. She looked over at Remus, making him look back down at the book. "What does that mean, Lily?"

"It can mean lots of different things." Peter said, hurriedly. "Can't it, Lily?"

"No." Lily said. "As far as I am aware it only means one thing. It's a spell that destroys your memory."

"But you _could_ do that to protect someone." Peter pressed on, determinedly. "To keep them safe, or to stop them remembering something awful. Not just… Not just for your own convenience."

"_Not just for your own convenience_?" Remus snapped, the book hitting the bed.

"In what context did Sirius say he was going to 'obliviate' her memory?" Lily asked, sharply.

"'_It's Wizard talk'_." Alice repeated Remus's words. "_'It means protect you_'."

"_Sirius said that_?" Lily demanded.

"Yes." Alice said, studying Remus with her red-rimmed eyes. "That's what _Sirius_ said."

"That is probably pretty much what he meant." Peter added. "He meant that he could use that spell to protect you."

"From what?" Alice asked. She sounded like she was trying not to cry again.

"From all… dangerous things." Peter said. "Like…" He glanced across the room for a split second. "Like Remus said."

"Remus said Sirius is an illegal animagus." Alice said. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing." Peter said.

"An animagus is a Wizard or Witch that can transform into an animal. You have to be registered if you can do it but it's very complicated. Not a level of magic Sirius can do." Lily stated.

The blue eyes continued to watch Remus for some time before Alice turned back to Lily. "_Yes, he can_." She said. "It's a secret. At least it was."

"_Silencio_!" Remus cast. "…And now it is again." He concluded, putting the wand back on his nightstand.

Alice tried to speak. Her mouth opened and closed. Her hand rose and her fingers fluttered frantically over her lips and her neck, but not a sound came out. Lily snatched for her own wand, but Peter was quicker, casting "_Finite Incantatem!_" to break the silencing charm.

"That was the stupidest thing I have ever seen you do, Remus!" Lily told him, back on her feet, hands on hips. "Alice didn't ask Sirius to spill every secret in his messed up head to her. She didn't ask him to ruin her life."

"He 'saved her life'" Remus reminded her, tartly.

"No, he didn't." Lily said. "He should never have stuck up a conversation with her, knowing his insane family were scouring London, hunting for him!"

"You think pureblood wizards shouldn't speak to Muggles in case it upsets the Death Eaters?" Remus demanded.

"You don't want to defend him." Peter cut in. "Remus, you don't. And you don't know what happened." Remus nodded, snatched his book up and swung back onto his bed, lying on his side to read it, really trying very hard to calm down.

"It isn't true, is it?" Lily asked, behind him. "Sirius isn't an animagus is he?"

"It's not fair to ask Peter." Alice piped in. "It's not his secret to tell, and he doesn't want to break his friends trust."

"Most Wizards never become animagi." Lily explained. "It's very brilliant as well as very stupid."

"Does that sound like Sirius?" Alice asked. It wasn't really a question.

"But it's _really_ hard." Lily explained. She looked at Peter again, who didn't say anything.

"You shouldn't say." She told him again. "But it's better, thinking about things like this, about anything else." Alice said, quietly.

.

"…I know they're your friends." She added, voice lowered. "But… Please don't let them '_obliviate_' my mind."

"That's not James's style, is it Peter?" Lily reassured her. "If Sirius does seriously suggest that, James will say no. I'm sure he would. He's a bit of an idiot, but he wouldn't do that."

"And Sirius will listen to James?" Alice asked. "First and foremost."

"James is the _only_ person Sirius listens to." Lily assured her. "Which in general is not reassuring, but in this case, I'm sure James will side with us."

"Oh, thank God." Alice said. She took another mouthful of Peter's water, and pulled her legs up onto the bed, hugging her knees.

"Will you show me that amazing thing you did with the water again, Peter?" She asked, politely. "It's so amazing."

"It's not that amazing." Peter giggled. "Like this… _Aguamenti_!"

"It's amazing." Alice gushed. "Can I try?"

"Oh…" Remus listened to Peter's hesitation, which lasted at a guess for about three seconds, before he handed over his wand. "Of course." He said. "I'll try and show you how…"


	8. Remus is really indescreet

"Sirius don't!" James said as Sirius shoved the door open and stepped into the dorm.

There was, what could only be described as a frantic scuffle, as the occupants of the room flung themselves apart. James dived inside, grim fascination forcing him round Sirius, to see what was happening.

.

"So, what are you doing?" Sirius asked, reasonably calmly. His eyes flicked between Remus; pulling himself unsteadily to his feet, Alice; still on the floor, and Lily; who had just materialized from behind the door. "…Remus?" He prompted. Sirius let Remus shove past him, but James certainly didn't, escorting Remus back into the room.

.

"What is going on?" James demanded. "What were you doing on the floor?"

"_Why do you think_?!" Remus exploded. "That stupid girl just hit me with a stupefy spell!"

"By accident." Lily said, hurriedly. "And she was making sure you were alright, Remus."

"Ha! That's one word for it." James muttered.

"I was checking he was breathing." Alice told them, blushing scarlet. "I thought I'd killed him."

.

Remus, glaring at all of them, then staggered back to his bed where he sat, pale faced and shaken.

"…Could you not have used '_protego', _Moony?" James ventured. "You are in the Gryffindor Duelling Club."

"It wasn't a Duel. I didn't even have my wand. And she was right in front of me." Remus hissed.

"You should _always_ have your wand." James said.

"Shut up, James." Sirius warned him. "Are you alright, Remus?"

"He just got stunned by a girl!" James said, trying very hard not to start laughing. "A Muggle girl!"

.

"Peter said I could try using his wand." Alice explained. "Obviously I wasn't trying to hit Remus in the face with a stunning spell. I just remembered, that was the word Sirius said. 'Stuporfy'. I didn't expect anything to come out of the wand and hit Remus in the face."

"And kissing him better was to cheer him up?" James questioned, with a snort of laughter.

"His breathing." Alice said, blushing again. "I was making sure he was breathing."

"He was probably playing dead, trying to get snogged." James said.

"I wasn't doing anything!" Remus snarled, flinging himself upright again. He actually looked very angry. "I wasn't. I was trying to read a book. While _Peter…!_" James and Sirius both glanced around the room, but Peter wasn't there. Remus still looked like thunder. "While Peter," He said. "Was _demonstrating his animagus abilities for Lily and Alice_."

"You are _really_ indiscreet, Remus." Alice said, quietly.

.

James glanced quickly at Lily who was watching him, an eyebrow arched. "So Peter and Sirius are animagi?" She said, on cue. "Yet you're the one who always comes top in Transfiguration, James?"

"You've never asked me if I _am_ an animagus." James pointed out. He flashed Remus a glare of his own before running his fingers uneasily through his hair.

"So what?" Lily said. "What is your animagus? And don't bother claiming you haven't made one. There's no way you could bare to be the only one that couldn't manage it."

"Remus can't create an animagus so James isn't the only one." Alice said. "I mean, James isn't _the only one that can't do it_."

.

"…So where's Peter?" Sirius asked.

"He changed into a rat and went away." Lily said. "_Actually_ changed into a rat." She looked at Sirius again, presumably trying to decide if he too really could _actually_ transform into an animal, or maybe into _what_ animal.

"I can do it." James stated, unable to take it any longer. "I can do that too, Lily."

.

He was rewarded by Lily's attention swinging back to him, her mouth falling slightly open. "Into what?" She said. "What is your animagus form?"

"A stag." James said, pushing his glasses up his nose and grinning slightly. "And obviously I will register at some point. Not while we're at school though."

"I won't tell anyone." Lily said. "A stag?" James smiled at her, his eyes crinkled slightly behind his glasses.

"That's just what I'm like, I guess." He said. "And thank you for 'not telling' on me, Miss. Evans."

"And obviously I won't tell." Alice added, at Lily's side. "Not that I have anyone to tell."

"Thank you, also." James said. "I figured I was on safe ground with you, as Sirius obviously trusts you with his secrets, and everyone elses." He ignored Remus's jaw locked fury, flashing him a grin. "And now, with all our darkest secrets spilled, maybe we should go to dinner?"

"I'll stay with Alice." Lily volunteered at once. "If you don't mind getting me something, James?"

"Not at all." James agreed, excessively pleased at the prospect. "And Sirius shall get something for Alice. Can you make it to the Great Hall, Remus, or are your legs all a wobble from getting stuporfied by a girl? ...A _Muggle girl_."

"I'm not hungry." Remus snapped, and took himself out of the room. To the library probably, or somewhere equally suitable for sulking in.

.

"I'll get him something." Sirius shrugged.

"Get your girlfriend something." James told him, putting his arm lazily around Sirius's shoulder as he shoved him out of the room. "Remus can get some if he wants. She can't leave the room."

"My girlfriend?" Sirius said, looking almost as stroppy as Remus. "Did you listen to anything I told you?" James grinned at him.

"Yes." He said. "You plan on obliviating her mind and dumping her in Africa or The Antarctic, to see if it puts Remus in less of a strop. But let's be honest, Pads, you weren't planning on doing that yesterday or the day before, were you? And since when has bullying girls put Remus in less of a mood? He'll be fine when he sees Alice isn't telling anyone. She knows we're all animangi now, so he hasn't got much to sulk about. More importantly, Sirius, _Lily_ is _in_ _our_ _dorm_ waiting to have dinner with me, thanks to your genius."

"Puberty turned you into an utter moron, didn't it?" Sirius said. "Lily walks into a room and your brain just walks out."

"Yup. And one day puberty might turn you into an adult, Sirius, but it's looking less and less likely."


	9. Beds

It was midnight. The school was finally silent, aside from an occasional gust of rain against the dormitory window. Remus was shivering, as he quietly closed the door, glancing at Sirius and James, asleep on their side of the room as he flicked the curtains away from his own bed and froze, staring down at Alice's head, square in the middle of his pillow.

He stalked over to Sirius's bed and shook him, very hard. "Get off me!" Sirius hissed, ripping an arm free to try and thump him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"Where am I meant to sleep?!" Remus demanded. "And why would that possibly be okay? That stupid girl stuporfied me! Why is she in my bed?"

"Sshh." Sirius hissed, sitting up and trying not to grin at Remus's blazing anger. "It's just a bed, Moony."

"It's _my_ bed." Remus snarled. He actually looked so angry that Sirius stopped speaking just to blink the rare sight into focus.

"Okay." He got up. "But tell me honestly, Moony, if you had been here, would you have let her sleep on the cold drafty floor, while you were snuggled up under your blankets? Is that seriously what you're like?"  
"No." Remus said. "But where did she sleep last night, and the night before that?"

"On the floor." Sirius said. "But only because I couldn't bring her here without you lot finding out. She can't sleep in Lily's dorm without all those girls finding out. Sleep in Peter's bed. He's still out 'rat-ing'."

"No. I won't." Remus hissed. Sirius laughed.

"You freak." He said. "Fine. Sleep in my bed. I'll sleep in Peters."

"You shouldn't have brought her here." Remus told him.

"I know that." Sirius said. "But I wasn't going to leave her to die. I had Bella, the Lestrange brothers and a couple of their friends trying to kill us. Well, kill her, really. I don't think my mother would have been thrilled if they'd murdered me too. And _I didn't have my wand_."

"You should _always_ have your wand." Remus said, a hint of amusement finally. Sirius gave him a look, glad Remus had stopped hissing. He crept over to Remus's bed and drew the curtain slightly, peeping down at the sleeping girl.

.

"Why are you so unexcited about it?" He asked. "It's cool, Moony. Have you seen her phone?"

"I don't want to see her phone. It's not cool. She hit me in the face with a stunning spell."  
"By accident." Sirius pointed out. Remus studied him, in silence.

"…When has anyone ever stunned someone by accident?" He asked, quietly. Sirius looked back at the sleeping girl and tried not to grin.

"Who even knew Muggles could use wands?" He said. "Maybe I've discovered a witch."

"It wasn't by accident." Remus said again, hurt and humiliation colouring his face and making him turn away from Sirius and the sleeping girl. "…She did it on purpose." He admitted. "And she wasn't 'checking I was breathing' either."

"She really tried to kiss you?" Sirius said.

"_No_." Remus said. "She smiled. She smiled right in my face. Smirked."

"No. You must be wrong." Sirius said, firmly. "She was really upset. She'd just told Lily and Peter… Before you got back, Remus, she'd just told Lily and Peter that her family were in that building. The one Bella set on fire."

.

"…Maybe she's lying." Remus said, uncertainly. "Peter was showing off for her. It took him about three seconds to hand over his wand, then she hit me in the face with a stunning spell… And she _did_ smirk."

"You've got to be wrong." Sirius said, again. "Do you want to sleep in Peter's bed or mine?.

.

Remus sighed at him, going over to his own nightstand, to get his book and a bar of chocolate which he took over to Peter's cold, Peter-smelling bed. Sirius grinned at him. Remus flashed him a glare and wrenched Peter's covers up to hide his face.

. *

Lily was back in the dorm first thing, so James looked like all his birthdays had come at once. Sirius had escaped to the bathroom and Remus was still in Peter's bed. There were crumbs and it really did smell unplesant. Peter had returned in the night, but finding all the beds occupied he had stayed in his rat form, and was curled up in a hot little ball, on the pillow above Remus's head.

"Thank you for the bed." Alice said, watching him coming around. "It was really kind of Peter to let you have his, wasn't it?"

Remus nodded. He was aware not just of Sirius watching him, pointedly, but Lily and James as well. Alice sat on _his_ bed, brushing her hair with _his _comb, that she must have got from amongst his private things in _his_ nightstand. And she was smirking at him. It looked like smirking but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just nervous smiling.

"I hope you slept well." He said. "And I'm sorry about using that Silencing spell on you."

"Thank you." She said, watching him, still smiling. "I'm sorry about using that Stupifying spell on you, Remus. I guess you're going to have a lot of people to apologise to, today. Helping yourself to Peters bed. Breaking Sirius's trust in you to tell me he was an animagus. Badmouthing James to Lily…"  
"_You what_!?" James swung round and Lily laughed.

"She's teasing!" Lily said.

"Are you sure about that?" James asked, glaring at Remus.

"I didn't say anything bad about you." Remus said.

"No more than usual, anyway." Lily said. "And nothing that wasn't true."

"I didn't say _anything_ about you, James." Remus repeated. "What did I say Lily?"

Lily gave him a look, before she shrugged.

"I can't remember." She said. "We always have a laugh at your faults, James. Take it like a stag, hey?"

"I didn't say anything." Remus said. "And I need to get dressed now, so can you get out of my dormitory, please?"

"Not really." Alice pointed out. "You see, I'm hiding, Remus. Can't you just draw the bed curtains, and stand on your duvet while you pull your clothes on?"

Remus yanked back the covers and took his clothes to the bathroom. Alice watched him, still sat on his bed.

. *

"She is trying to annoy me." He said, to Sirius, at Breakfast. "I was trying to be nice."  
"You sound like a girl." James told him. "And Lily said you cast a silencing spell on her mouth. That's about as un-nice as you've ever managed to be, isn't it?"

"I did that with good reason." Remus pointed out. "And you behave like a girl whenever Lily's around, Prongs."  
"No, he behaves like a boy." Sirius corrected, leaning over them both to snatch a handful of toast. "An idiotic, hormone controlled, boy."

"Whatever." James said. "So let's pinch one of the toast baskets, fill it with croissants, jams and strawberries, and take Lily and Alice for a picnic by the lake, while it's sunny?" James said.

"You think that isn't behaving like a _girl?_" Remus clarified.

"That is romantic." James assured him. "You're not invited, Remus, unless you bring one of those bookish girls that follow you to the library. And as you're not going to do that, you can take notes for us, although we will be doing our own 'Muggle Studies'. Oh, Siirus, we should take one of the jugs of hot chocolate and some mugs. Do you remember that spell to keep liquids hot, Remus?"

Remus sat in first lesson, scratching the parchment repeatedly with a dry quill and wondering how many more things could annoy him in one day. He jumped as Sirius swung into the chair next to him, grinning broadly.

"I thought you were performing your own 'Muggle Studies'?" Remus said, quietly.

"Only because you were too wrapped up in your own mood to consider Lily's reaction to James skiving Muggle Studies, the one class she asked him to take. And expecting her to want to skive History of Magic when she's spent _half the last week_ labouring over two foot of parchment on The Great Unicorn Culls of the Seventh Century."

.

"So she wasn't keen?"

"Not so much." Sirius stifled a laugh as their Muggle teacher, Professor Jackson looked round at them. "…And Alice just wouldn't go without you, Moony." He flashed Remus a bright grin, watching his eyebrows rise. "Do you really think she's trying to wind you up?" He added. "She seems awfully sweet to me."

"Girls are all awfully sweet to you." Remus reminded him. "At least she's not scared of me, I suppose. I always imagined Muggles would be. Wizards are scared enough of… My kind."

"_Your kind_." Sirius scoffed. "I'm quaking in my boots. James wants us to go for a picnic by the lake at lunch time. He's going to hide Alice under his invisibility cloak."

"I hope you have a world of fun." Remus told him. Sirius laughed and Professor Jackson shot him another warning look.

"You're coming." Sirius assured him. "I want to decide if she is trying to wind you up."

"I'd rather drink Buberpus." Remus assured him. "Now be quiet so I can write James some 'helpful' Muggle study notes. Do you think he'll tell Lily she has the body of a Sumo Wrestler, if his Muggle Study notes tell him that's a massive Muggle compliment?"  
"Probably." Sirius shrugged. "What's a 'Sumo Wrestler'?" Remus smiled, inking his quill and starting on the notes he was making for James.

"Like I said." Remus said. "You have the body of a Sumo Wrestler, is probably the highest compliment you could give a Muggle girl. You should try it, Sirius. Let me know how you get on with that."


	10. Avis

Brilliant September sunshine blazed down on Hogwarts. The sky was a clear blue and the air hot. Students flung off cloaks and jumpers as they burst out of the castle to enjoy their lunch break around the lake.

.

Sirius Black was for once leading the Marauders and their female company across the grass. James trailed at the side of Lily Evans, tripping and stumbling like the blind, due to his eyes never leaving her face.

.

Alice was also much happier. She too was now wearing Hogwarts school uniform. Although Lily's white blouse, designed for her own slim figure, tried to gape slightly indecently over Alice's curvier shape, something not lost on Peter Pettigrew, who was bouncing happily at her side, explaining yet another spell that she might be interested in. Alice tugged her uniform slightly uncomfortably and hurried on Sirius's heels, as he lead them past the main body of students to a leafy tree where Gryffindor first years were skimming stones and trying to push each other into the water.

Complaining rather rudely under their breaths the little boys snatched their bags and cloaks off the bank and scampered away, leaving the shady bank free for the Marauders and their companions.

.

"It's such a beautiful day." Lily said shaking out her school cloak and laying it on the ground to sit on. "Remus, come and sit down, I was trying to explain to Alice about wand-free magic."

.

Remus, at the tail-end of the group, considered this thoughtfully, while Lily patted the spread cloak beside her so encouragingly that it was all James could do not to shove Remus in the river and hope down there himself.

.

"Why does Lily want to talk about wand-free magic!" He demanded, crossly, kicking bark off the tree-trunk Sirius was leaning against. "Wand-free magic is lame and stupid."

"No, it's not. It's brilliant." Sirius reminded him, gazing at the flat blue lake.

"If Remus is so good at wand-free magic…" James added, glaring at Remus as he sat carefully beside Lilly on the small circle of black cloth. "Why didn't he use a wand-free pretago spell to stop Alice stuporfing his smug face?" Sirius drew his eyes off the water to study James, who wrinkled his nose and shrugged, trying not to grin. "It's lame." He muttered again.

"Wand-free magic is amazing." Lily told Alice, enthusiastically. "Stuck-up pureblood Wizards like Sirius and James get presented with wands as soon as they're out of nappies…"  
"I'm a pureblood too." Peter reminded her.

"And Peter." Lily grinned. "They learn all the spells and charms before they come to school, so they can pretend they're cleverer than the rest of us, but they never get the chance to learn wand-free magic."

"So you're not a proper Wizard, Remus?" Alice asked.

"No. Not at all." Remus said, sarcastically.

"Of course he is." Lily said. "I'm the only Witch in my family. Remus is from a mixed family. Some Wizard, some Muggle."

"And some Werewolf?" Alice asked, uncertainly.

.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably and avoided Remus's eyes. James stifled a laugh and came to sit on Lily's other side, spreading his own cloak to extend onto hers. "It's amazing that they allow Werewolves into schools." Alice added. "Even magic Wizarding schools, isn't it? You're not going to be in the dormitory with us when the moon is full, are you, Remus? Do you mind me talking about it?"

"We don't talk about it." James said. "No. And we have arrangements."

"I'm sorry, James." Alice said, earnestly. "I'm only worried. So many bad things have happened to me, recently."

.

"I don't mind talking about it." Remus said, firmly. "It's fine. Werewolves aren't _not_ allowed into the school, but no one knows what I am, apart from the teachers and the six of us here. And I will go right away from the school before the full moon, which is the night after next."

"Good." Alice said. "I mean, good that you've thought about it and you're not just risking everyone's safety for your own education. Not good that you won't be with us on Saturday night. So did you get good at Wand-free magic because Werewolves aren't allowed wands?"

"People were worried about me having one, when I was younger." Remus admitted. He did hate talking about himself and about the Lycanthrope, but he didn't blame anyone for being frightened or angry about it.

"But that isn't why he's so good at it." Lily butted in, at once. "I didn't have a wand till I got to Hogwarts. Half the students here didn't. Remus is just gifted at wand-free magic."

"Wow." Alice said. "You're gifted at it? Can you do the water spell, like Peter, but with your hand?"

"No." Remus said. He flashed Lily a hint of a look. "I can't do anything just for show, really. Why don't you let Peter show you some spells with his wand. You really enjoyed that."

"Sirius can make little birds burst out of his wand and sing." James said. "That is a very complicated spell."

.

"You can do 'avis', Sirius?" Lily asked, in surprise.

"Nothing girly about that." Peter said, settling back on the grass with a sigh.

"It's very complicated." Lily said. "Birds are living animals. Even to make one is very hard. To make them alive and then to control them so they burst into song… It's complicated. Can you do it, James?"

.

The three other Marauders burst into laughed at James's expression, making him shove his glasses up his nose.

"I can do just about any spell." He said, crossly. "Avis is rather girly. I can do _Orchideous._"

"Because that's not girly?!" Peter snorted.


	11. Orchideous

"What's 'orchideous'?" Lily asked, uncertain herself. James flashed her a grin before swirling his wand until he had produced a vast bouquet of flowers. "I have, I think you will remember, used it for you many times before."

"That's _so _romantic." Alice said.

"That is shameless and embaressing." Lily corrected. James sighed at her and tossed the flowers into the lake.

"I don't suppose you can do that, Remus?" Alice asked him. "If you were never trusted with a wand. Can you do Avis?"

"'Avis' is a much harder spell than 'orchideous'." Remus said. "And I try to learn spells that have a practical application other than impressing girls."

"That impresses us girls much more." Lily assured him. "We're not all just stupid princesses, sitting around waiting to be presented with hideous orchids."

"They were lilies." James said. "When I make flowers they are _always_ lilies."

.

"So Sirius." Lily said turning her back on him, cheeks pink. "Why don't you put your wand where your mouth is, and show us your 'avis' spell."

"Is that really a Wizard expression?" Alice laughed.

"No. It sounded better in my head. Come on Sirius. Alice showed you her phone, now you show her your fancy spell work."

"He has shown me lots of spells." Alice told her. "When he brought me here. Amazing spells."

"You big show off!" Lily laughed. "Flashing your school boy magic to the Muggle girls."

"Did you show her 'stuporfy'?" Remus asked him.

"I was trying to amuse her." Sirius explained. "She was stuck in an empty classroom, day after day because of me. Not even a dog should be kept locked up like that."

"I think you might have mentioned 'stuporfy'." Alice reminded Sirius, quietly.

"Not to use on my best friend, I didn't." Sirius said, rather harshly.

"_**I**_ am your best friend!" James reminded him. "Since we were about two! That is hurtful, in the extreme, Black."

"I have three best friends." Sirius said.

"And I really didn't mean to hit Remus in the mouth with the stuporfy spell." Alice said, earnestly. "I had no idea that would happen."

"Let's not talk about it." James said, waving his wand and producing quite an impressive picnic.

"Wow!" Alice gasped. Peter added a bumch of pink flowers and drinks, just to hear her say it again.

"Now we just need little bluebirds fluttering about our heads singing prettily and it will be perfect." Lily said. "Go on, Sirius."

"Don't draw this out. It's annoying enough." James added, frowning at the picnic he'd created.

"I'd like to see." Alice added. "You weren't shy when we were on our own." James fake coughed, trying not to laugh.

.

Sirius, scowling, took out his wand and cast 'avis', launching half a dozen small blue and yellow birds out of his wand up into the tree where they settled and burst into a chorus of song.

"That's so lame." Peter told him.

.

"Do you know that spell, Sirius?" Remus said, taking his own wand out. Sirius laughed.

"Which spell, this spell?" He asked. "_Oppugno!"_

"_Protego!" _Remus cast, sending the attacking birds bouncing off the shield spell and dropping in a heap on the grass.

.

"How cruel are you!?" Alice yelled, leaping to her feet.

"That is slightly cruel." Peter agreed, shamelessly.

.

"_Accio avis!_" Sirius commanded, whipping the birds back to him.

"Finite Incantium!" James cast, vanishing them crossly. "We are having a lovely picnic." He reminded them. "Lily and I don't wish to watch you fooling around."

"That was wicked!" Lily said. "Just cause you can't do it, 'Prongs'."

"Since when do you call me Prongs, Evans?" James asked, dropping back beside her in delight.

"Since I found out it was referring to your antlers and not the disgusting explanation Sirius told me last year."

"And to think you said James was a show off, Sirius." Alice said, buttering a scone.

"You were begging him to do it." Remus pointed out. "And I'm not cruel. They aren't real birds."

"And Sirius made them evil." Peter added. "Remus's choices were pretty limited after that."

"I was going to set fire to them." Remus lied. "But I don't really know any spells because I'm not a 'proper' Wizard."

"You're 'properly' ruining our picnic." James told him. "Why don't you and Peter go chat up some Hufflepuffs?"

"I think Peter is straight." Alice offered, politely. James spat a mouthful of scone into his hand, choking with laughter.

"So funny!" He sobbed.

"Hufflepuffs are the student with the yellow badges." Lily said, straight-faced and ignoring him. "They're School House was founded by a Witch called 'Helena Hufflepuff'."

"Sorry." Alice tittered, covering her wide smile with an embarrassed hand. "I thought you meant something _completely_ different."


End file.
